I assume you are reading this because you want to get yourself some more money, right? Do you want more abundance and more wealth? Well, I will tell you about money and confidence, and how to use this as a way to live your best life!
Actually, I think I can tell you this in one sentence; your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Let me elaborate. If you want to change your outer world, you have to start by changing your inner world.
When your goal is to “earn maximum money no matter the costs, so that I can have a nice apartment, a nice car and a spendy retirement”, think again. If your goal is to “have a good amount of money so I can be confident about never having to work again if I choose to”, this is the place for you!
However, I want you to be aware of the fact that making this mental shift will change your life. For me it did. If you change your mindset from a scarcity-oriented mindset to an abundance mindset. This means that mentally, you will stop chasing the endless goals of wanting as much money as possible. This also means that you will have enough pretty quickly.
Overcoming Your Fears
My Story about Money and Confidence
Since I was young, I have had some confidence issues. I tried to compensate for this by having everyone like me. In that way, you couldn’t be mean to me!
I wanted everyone to be my friend, when someone didn’t like me I tried harder and harder until they did. People-pleasing would come very naturally to me, I did it all the time. I was friends with everyone, had play dates with everyone, and always wanted to participate in everything. The FOMO (fear of missing out) was real!
This meant that I was a terrible decision-maker (still working on it!). For me it was easy, I wanted to do it all. If I couldn’t do it all, I would stretch myself until I could. Because, what if I said no and disappointed someone? What if they wouldn’t like me anymore when I said no?
During high school and university, I also needed everyone to like me. I would always go out (sometimes 6 times per week), I would be on boards, take every trip I could, and had several groups of friends. However, I never felt like I could be myself. Why? Because I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin, I wasn’t confident. I needed other people to validate me, only then I would feel confident.
Where Money Comes In
At the same time, we’ve had severe money issues at home. My mom wouldn’t be able to provide me with anything during my high school and college years. My stepdad lost his job, so we didn’t have much to live off of.
I am working since the age of 13, to provide some extra income. Since I was 15, I have been working 20 hours per week all throughout University. I was paying for my own tuition, my own living expenses, my own everything.
Well, this behavior of wanting to fit in so desperately by doing everything and having no money is a bad combination I can tell you. I worked hard – very hard, maybe a little too hard. In addition, I never had any time for myself, I was always surrounded by other people and I was really disconnected from who I truly was.
I was thinking that working these jobs and earning this money would make me more confident. That I would be more confident once I could buy more drinks for my friends, that I would be more confident once I could join my friends that go skiing every year, that I would be more confident once I had nicer clothes and more expensive shoes.
Then it Shifted
It wasn’t until I went to South America that that changed. I was by myself, with only a backpack, living life day-to-day, didn’t have a job, and could do whatever I wanted. I started to find my voice.
In South America, I learned that you can always connect with people, even if you’re on the other side of the world. I connected with people because I was being me, not because I was some version of me that I wanted to be.
I learned that being liked should not be your top priority, freedom and happiness should be. If you’re being you, people will appreciate that more than anything. Also, I learned that it’s okay to say no, people will still respect you. If they don’t, that tells you more about them than about you!
The mask that I held up for years was coming down, the people around me would still respect me and love me for who I am. They would still love me if I didn’t buy them drinks, they would still love me if I didn’t keep up with the latest fashion and they would still love me if I didn’t go skiing with them every year. They didn’t care about this at all, but only after I’d gained the confidence to not care anymore myself.
So the most important thing that I learned is: I never had to worry in the first place.
Money is Not the Problem
I am telling you this because I want you to know where I come from. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies, we all have our own personal story. I assume you have too! Today I’m grateful for all the things I’ve been through because it made me into the person I am today.
After years of hard work, the one thing I want you to take away is this: buying nice shoes, a nice car, a nice holiday, will never fill up the void in you. Why? Because the problem is not money, the problem is confidence.
Once you realize that your money will never be able to make up for your confidence, your life will completely change. Money should not try to make up for your lack of confidence.
Finding the sweet spot
However, I still had some limiting beliefs from my teens. I saw money as the root of all evil, I didn’t like rich people and I was thinking all I needed to do for money is work hard. Also, I was convinced that having money is the most important thing in life because if I had no money people would not like me anymore!
Luckily I met some great people who had the opposite money beliefs, they challenged mine and they make me aware that what I’m thinking is not based on anything substantial other than my own confidence level at that time.
Many of us are focusing on money as a way to ensure a confident life. Working one more year. Making €100.000. Buying that extra car. These are all ways to compensate for a lack of confidence by having more money, buying more. Did those extra shoes make me happy? No. So money will not satisfy you in the end.
You Already Have It!
I hear a lot of stories of people who have a lot of savings and don’t like their jobs. Instead of quitting and pursuing something they love, they have these limiting assumptions that will keep them working. That’s the thing. The problem is not their money, the problem is their confidence. If they would have confidence, they could quit their job right now. Financially speaking they’re already free – it’s the mental aspect that keeps them working.
There is a sweet spot between confidence and money that you need to find! The amount of money where you feel confident enough to quit your job and pursue your dreams. With the little extra bit of confidence, your life will instantly change without you actually changing anything except the feelings in your mind.
Let’s say you have a great job at a high-performing firm with lots of responsibilities, 60+ hours of work, 2 kids at school, extremely good vacation plans, a dream townhouse, and a very nice Tesla. You are aiming for the best in life, but are you getting the best? Is this lifestyle optimal for your happiness at this moment? Or are you waiting for your happiness for just another year or so? When the kids are grown, when you’ll get that promotion, or when you’ll get that new car.
Do you see where I’m going with this? You are not giving yourself permission to get happy, why not? It might be because of confidence issues, just like the rest of us.
Declarations for Radical Confidence
I wrote down a few declarations that I tell myself when my confidence is low, when I need a pick me up or when I need to remind myself that I already have everything I need.
Please read them with me:
- I will always be accepted for who I am, rather than for who I’m trying to be.
- Confidence will come to me, without using money.
- I don’t control what happens, I only control my response. My response is what determines my happiness.
- I can always make new friends, no matter where I am in the world.
- I will always be able to get a job if I want one.
- I control my cost of living, everything I do and buy is my decision.
- I can always learn new things. If others are depending on me, they trust my knowledge. If I depend on others, it’s a choice that we’re both making.
- I know that my goal in life is happiness, and I am able to always maximize my happiness.
- I am competent, smart and able.
- I believe in myself and I have one hundred percent trust in myself.
These declarations might help you to turn your fear into confidence. Fear is the one thing that stands between most people and their happiness.
Because confidence and money go hand in hand, they will complement each other in ways you can’t even imagine. These affirmations above can easily make you millions of euros, it will allow you to create the millionaire confidence that you need.
Confidence is self-reinforcing, when you start having it you will start to attract more of it!
Now you have two extra tools in your toolbox; money and confidence. Because they are such good friends, one doesn’t come without the other. It would not be good to only develop one since that would not bring you the maximum results.
Most people are compensating for their lack of confidence, by working too much on their money part. To level up, you will need to use them both!
While not all changes are improvements, all improvements are necessary changes.
Happiness is your end goal, confidence will be the way to get there.
How did your confidence level change over time?
This article is published and syndicated by Radical FIRE.
Marjolein is a financial consultant who has built over €4,000 monthly passive income and saves over 70% of her income. Read Radicals’ inspiring story, from stuck in the 9-to-5 to loving life. Feel free to send Radical a message at the bottom of this page
12 thoughts on “Money and Confidence As a Way to Living Your Best Life”
Confidence is something I’ve always struggled with on and off my whole life too. I think travel overall builds confidence. It did for me too when I went on my first solo vacation to Europe as well, where I had to come out of my shell more to talk to strangers. I like the declarations! I need to remind myself of the the finding a job one because the process is not fun. 🙁
Hi Tonya, good to see you here! Yes you’re totally right, solo travel forces you out of your comfort zone. Awesome that you’ve been to Europe! Regarding the declarations, I have a variation of them and I pick the ones that I feel like I need to hear for that day. Finding is job is def hard, it took me around 4 months. But I know you got this & you will find what you’re looking for!
I definitely see that confidence will enable you to build wealth. When I switched jobs, being confident in the way you present yourself and being confident in your skills goes a long way in your salary negotiations!
One of the things to become more confident for me was business travel. I traveled quite a lot in my previous job and being alone in another country helps a lot.
What I also found helpful was physical fitness. By being in shape you feel better and act with more confidence. I love it how money isn’t just about money!
I found physical fitness to help a lot like you mentioned, all the endorphins going through our body makes us happy
Yes you’re right, being confident can go a long way when building your wealth & your salary!
“I love it how money isn’t just about money”, that’s the best to express it, 100%!
Only Three Ingredients Needed for Your Success
1. Have a burning desire for personal improvement i.e. the pain to move forward will be less than the pain of remaining stationary and not changing.
2. Have a plan. Like the Cat said to Alice in Alice in Wonderland. If you don’t know where you’re going, it doesn’t matter which way you go. Your plan is your odometer and speedometer.
3. 100% commitment to see it through. Like the Duracell Bunny, you just gotta keep on going and going and going!
Awesome post, just awesome. It was something I needed to read today to help bolster my confidence. I’ve beet in a rut lately and your checklist was an excellent reminder of the things to continue reminding myself and focusing on. Thanks again.
Hi Bert, thanks for stopping by!
Glad you liked the post, every once in a while we need to remind ourselves that we’re awesome, happy that you got that out of the post!
Hi, thanks for stopping by!
These are the basics things that you need indeed. If you add confidence to the mix you’ll most probably turn everything you touch into gold!
Thank You for this.
Hi, glad that i found on this in google. Thanks!
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